


attempt 218

by laufire



Series: if at first you don't succeed, (try, try, and try again) [1]
Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e03 Dance Dance Resolution, F/F, F/M, Multi, Polyshipping Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 18:45:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12238575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laufire/pseuds/laufire
Summary: Eleanor and Tahani: most mismatched soulmates EVER.





	attempt 218

**DAY #1**

“This is your soulmate, Tahani.”

And despite the mild aneurysm she was sure she’d being having if she wasn’t, well, already dead, and how much the whole situation was making her whole body itch, Eleanor’s brain stopped a second to think: _hot. Damn._

That lasted very shortly, though. About until the moment her supposed soulmate opened her mouth.

“It’s such a… quaint little place! _Very_ charming.” And she kept talking, and talking, and talking. 

“And Michael told me you were the person with the highest score in the neighborhood!” Was her smile forced? It looked forced. “It’s such an honour. But, well. I don’t deserve less, of course!”

Wow, way to make Eleanor’s success about her. Well, not _Eleanor’s_ , but that wasn’t the point. The point was that, when she heard the word “soulmate”, she’d thought she could have an ally, someone who’d help her make sense of the crazy situation she had gotten into. 

And instead, she was stuck with some snob, super-hot woman that talked non-stop about herself. And good person or not, she had trouble believing she ever had her head out of her ass during enough time to help anyone.

 

**DAY #6**

Tahani was the _worst_. She kept talking about all the charities she had organized, making her feel like _shit_ , she kept name-dropping celebrities like an asshole, and she had been incredible passive-aggressive about Eleanor’s fake score. 

She wasn’t even getting laid, because Tahani said she’d never been with a woman before and wanted to “take it slow”. Wasn’t this supposed to be paradise, for heaven’s sake? The only good thing was that she had totally highjacked her Best Person Speech with her enormous ego. 

But the stress was killing her (metaphorically). The damn giraffes, the garbage, everything. She needed to do something, and she couldn’t do it alone. She needed help if she wanted to keep up the charade, and her “soulmate” was too unreliable, so she’d have to get it elsewhere. 

What was the weird iLady's name again?

 

**DAY #17**

“Are you even paying attention to me right now? Because may I remind you, your very soul depends on it.”

She had spaced out again. And the worst was, she felt _guilty_ about it. Guilty about not paying attention to a super boring speech about some hums from the biggest nerd she’d ever met. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Okay. That’s a first.”

“Go fork yourself, dude.”

“Now that’s more like you.”

For the first time in what felt like an eternity (ha), she felt her face form an honest smile. Chidi sat next to her, looking worried. The guy stressed too much. He seemed to take her situation way too personally, and had gone above and beyond to help her. It was such a stupid thing to do.

She was so infinitely grateful.

“It’s just… the whole situation with Tahani is too much. She keeps taking me everywhere, wanting to go on little dates and preying about my life; and I can’t tell her anything, because of course I can’t. And I think she believes that when I go out alone I’m cheating on her.”

“Wait. She thinks your cheating on her with me? That’s- well that’s- you know-”

“Yeah, no, totally, dude. But what do I tell her? That you’re teaching me ethics?”

“Well, I mean, I have a soulmate. A _real_ one. No offense.”

Yeah, he didn't need to remind her. She was pretty sure his soulmate was suspicious of her too.

And if she was honest with herself (ugh), not totally without reason.

 

**DAY #29**

Tahani had insisted on going on a date near the lake, and when Tahani insisted, she _insisted_. It was all perfectly put together, movie-worthy, with the picnic, and the sunset, and her short summer dress that let her long, long, long legs uncovered. 

Eleanor was pondering whether to throw herself at the lake was a good idea or not.

For once, though, Tahani wasn’t filling the air around them with her posh accent. She seemed on edge, awkward, and Eleanor was freaking out. What if she had somehow figured it out? Had Chidi being through one of his moral crisis again and decided to come clean to her?

No. Chidi wouldn’t do that. 

Tahani raised her hand, pulling a strand of hair behind Eleanor’s ear. She was smiling shyly at her, and suddenly, her face was _right there_ and they were kissing, and it was painfully tender.

Eleanor kissed back almost automatically. Because that’s what you do when someone kisses you. You kiss back. It’s an instinct, a reflex. That’s it.

“Well,” Tahani said softly, when she drew back, “that was not too bad, wasn’t it?”

Eleanor head was pounding, her mouth open like a fish’s, and she just _ran_.

 

**NIGHT #29**

Chidi was as unhelpful as he was in every situation that didn’t include a book so heavy it gave you cramps by looking at it. “Maybe you could tell her the truth. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Uh, eternal damnation, for one? What a shitty piece of advice. 

So she was back there, to their quaint ugly little home, with no idea of what to do next.

The door opened violently, and Tahani was looking at her with an offended expression that would’ve made royals jealous. 

“You were with him last night, were you?”

Yikes. She’d heard those words before. And though it _wasn’t_ what she thought, she refused to say that cliche on principle.

“What is it? You like them short? Am I not good enough for Miss Best Score?”

“Tahani…”

“What, Eleanor? You’re supposed to love _me_ , not to keep choosing someone else over and over and over again! That’s the whole point, we’re soulmates!”

She exploded, right there and then. “No, we’re not! We’re not soulmates.”

“What are you talking about right now?”

She couldn’t believe what she was about to say. She was going to hell, literally going to hell after this.

“We’re not soulmates, because I’m not supposed to be here, Tahani.”

 

**DAY #30**

Eleanor paced around the room. Tahani had been out all day, claiming she needed time to think about everything she’d told her.

She was going to tell Michael, Eleanor was sure. She was going to tell Michael and she’d be going to the bad place soon enough, to be tortured just because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. 

When she heard the door open, her heart stopped. But it was just Tahani.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Well, that was it? No clues at all of her mood? Come on.

“I didn’t tell anyone.”

Eleanor released a breath and fell down on the sofa, Tahani sitting next to her. She didn’t know what to say. “Thank you.” At least that was mandatory.

Tahani nodded. She was looking ahead, with a sad smile. “I’m sorry,” she said next, “I know you liked the idea of soulmates.”

“I’ve been thinking,” she said, turning suddenly, with an urgent look on her eyes, “maybe we _are_ soulmates. Maybe that’s why you are here. We- we were meant to be together, and you went through the system somehow, because it’s not designed to keep soulmates apart.”

“That’s absurd Tahani. We are in no way compatible; you got in the good place by yourself, I was mediocre at best.”

“I wasn’t that good. It’s true! I saw the list.”

“What list?”

“In Michael’s office. There was a list of everyone here, and I was second to last. I barely got in, I’m almost- mediocre, too.”

A list… just there, out in the open. Their soulmate situation. The giraffes. Wait a second…

“That _motherforker_!”

“What?”

“We _are_ in the bad place! We keep getting on each other’s nerves, and I get on Chidi’s nerves, and you just happen to see something in Michael’s office that makes you feel miserable?”

Tahani was looking at her, horrified, speechless.

“ _This_ is the bad place.”

 

**NIGHT #30**

“Are you absolutely positive about this?”

“Yes, Chidi, we are.”

“But that doesn’t- oh god. The almond milk.”

“We need to leave this place, Chidi. ASAP. Jan-!”

“Wait. Do we warn my soulmate?”

“Are you one hundred percent sure you can trust him?”

“…”

“That’s a no. Janet!”

* * *

Janet, at least, seemed happy to be on the train. Chidi was going through probably the biggest meltdown of his life (about _almonds_ ), and Tahani was looking wistfully through the window.

Eleanor sat next to her, wanting to comfort her somehow. She didn’t know where to start, she had literally zero experience at that shit. 

Out of nowhere, Tahani said: “I understand what you see in him. He’s very cute. In a very short way.” 

“Tahani…”

“Oh, don’t look at me that way. I know you like me too. I mean, obviously.”

She seemed to recover from her self-esteem crisis rather well, didn’t she?

“That’s a weird turn you’ve made there.”

She shrugged. “We aren’t getting any deader.”

The train arrived, and when they reached the house, a woman opened the door and said:

“You didn’t bring the cocaine, didn’t you?”

* * *

They didn’t know what to do. Staying there with that woman didn’t seem like an option. There was no way, according to Janet, to get to the real good place with that train. The only way was back, where their memories would likely be erased and they’ll be condemned to repeat a just slightly different history for thousands of years.

Chidi was the one taking it worse. Eleanor wasn’t much better than him, but Tahani seemed at ease, full of a new resolution. 

She walked at Chidi, and appraised him slowly. Chidi stopped mid-pacing, like a deer caught in headlights.

“Chidi, right? We haven’t talked much. I’ve noticed the way you look at Eleanor.”

“What- I- no, I don’t look at her in any way! Ever!”

No, he doesn’t. Wait, does he?

“Please. I’ve also noticed the way you look at me. And we’ve _all_ noticed the way Eleanor looks at me.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of true.”

“I’m NOT having a threesome in a stranger’s house,” she empathized, “and you and I would need to get to know each other better, but I think this is a good start.”

“ _This_?”

“Oh, come on. We are totally fucking. Hey,” Eleanor exclaimed, “I can say fucking!”

 

**DAY #35**

Calling it a plan was too generous. Calling it an _idea_ was generous. So it went as well as she could’ve predicted.

Tahani was furious. She kept screaming and insulting Michael. Chidi demanded explanations. Janet had brought that weird monk and they both sat on the sidelines, looking confused. 

Michael, though with a bitter look on his face, seemed to be enjoying the situation. Eleanor, as she saw Tahani’s futile attacks on him, felt defeat for the first time in her life.

“Michael, please… stop doing this to us.”

Everything seemed to stop in that second. Michael turned to her, calculating. 

“Well, well, well… you’ve never pleaded. Please, don’t let me stop you.”

Anger raised through her throat, choking her. She ran to him and spat on his face.

“I don’t care what I have to do, but somehow I swear I’m going to _forking ki-_ “

 _Snap_.

**Author's Note:**

> Look at that time jump. They totally forked.  
> I'll probably come back and write that (it just wasn't ~flowing right now for some reason).
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](https://laufire.tumblr.com).


End file.
